nekonaut

So I'm a fulltime student with dreams of becoming a doctor. The beginning of this fall semester I was supposed to take some core classes; but I went to orlando with my family for about two weeks when classes first began. Prior to classes starting I told my family "hmmm I don't think it's a good idea to take classes and I'm gonna be at a vacation home and cant ensure the internet is going to be working" well lo and behold the internet wasn't working and I wasn't able to get into class. So I missed class and attendance and participation is %15 of my grade. Haven't attended for 3-4 consecutive days which is four weeks (month worth of class) this includes homework,  assignments, and class chats. So I'm out of the classes and i told my family... they said well it's your responsibility to say you don't want to take classes this semester. And I'm like "what? You said this was a 'family decision'" and I'm thinking '

I won't say who, incase this person ever reads my blog. But someone close to me for a long time has put me down for my intelligence. I've been told I'm too wordy, or trying to intellectualize situations as a negative means of coping. I never understood why my whole life from my years in the public school system to friends and family that im trying to hard to be 'smart' and that means im being white. It hurts when our own black people tell us that being intelligent or speaking logically without being overcome by emotion is being 'white' and that speaking ebonics and broken english makes me fit in the peg with my people. I have years of pain in my heart at being rejected by people and groups because I dont know who I am because of the ridicule I've faced. I have 3 personalities- my stage persona, my family persona, and who I truly am with someone I'm comfortable with. I'm 27 and I have not been comfortable in my own skin since the day I turned 18.

Hi I am Miss Fierce. I am told I suffer from delusions and mood swings. We'll get to how that came about later. My opinion on mental health at this point is in low standing. I had a very spiritual life prior to a slew of diagnosis. I participated in rituals, alters, and circles. I was comfortable in my beliefs and where my spiritual life was going. I was aware of what I was praying to and that it had brought balance into my life. I meditated at least twice a day and gave thanks to the elements that had protected me. Once I was forcable put on my mental health journey due to misunderstanding of communication (ex boyfriend telling my parents I hear voices) because I was trying to explain what empathy feels like to a guy who was spiritually dead. Long story short that got me put on medication that makes me spiritually dead. Thinking is painful to the point where I feel like vomiting as well is trying to read; mind you i would read 700 page books in a day. I feel like an alien has inva